Saving the Titanic

It has been a long time since I posted here, and I don't know if anyone still follows me anymore. However, the Lord has been working on my family in a big way and I needed a place to share.

I have held on to a secret for many years and I am now free to unburden myself. My marriage was a sham! For many years I pretended it was fine. That's what I thought I was supposed to do. I struggled to be the wife I knew the Lord needed me to be. My husband is an alcoholic and I was afraid to talk about it.

I live in Texas – the buckle of the Bible belt, so they say. I am surrounded by those who, like me, grew up in the church. I assumed we shared similar ideas about love and marriage, but I assumed incorrectly.

When a spouse is verbally or emotionally abusive, is an addict, or even cheats – one is hard pressed to find anyone who supports reconciliation. If one stays with a spouse as described above, one immediately is perceived as a weak, old fashioned and out-of-date martyr who must suffer from some sort of codependency or emotional defect. To be fair, many of us do exhibit the tendency to be enabling or codependent when in this kind of situation. However, is the answer always to leave?
I write this in the midst of my own battle to save a sinking ship of a marriage. As I struggle through the fog of what others have to say, what the “experts” tell me (even those trusted Christian experts), I find that my greatest advice comes only from the Word of God. Join me as I examine what the Bible has to say in these situations, and we discover how to Save the Titanic.

I'm planning to start writing about what has happened in our marriage and various topics as the Lord leads me. Here is what you can look forward to in the coming days or weeks:

• How to live with an alcoholic without losing your mind
• Coping with anxiety/depression 
• I have a FEAR problem
• My husband had an affair. Now what?
• Kohen husbands and Ishshah wives
• When your husband isn't the spiritual leader of your home
• Wedding anniversaries and "standing stones" ... what do they have in common?

Forgiveness

Have you ever thought you had forgiven someone of something, and then years later, it seemingly comes back and stares you in the face again?

How is a human like me - unforgiving by nature - supposed to forgive others? Only by the grace of God, I'm certain of that! So, what about the times that I think I've forgiven someone, and the enemy whispers in my ear that I should still hold a grudge against them?

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a list-maker. It's the only child in me, I guess. Maybe I need to make a list of things I have forgiven, so that the next time I hear those lies, I can combat them with the truth? I could also pray over that list and ask the Lord to show me if there is any unforgiveness left inside of me that needs to be purged. Lord, help me to be forgiving to others, and to myself. And let me not hold a grudge against anyone, but let go of my anger and replace it with love.

Mark 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)